The last year has been one of tremendous growth, change and defining who I am as a person, mother, wife, daughter, friend and practitioner. I’ve had the opportunity to try many new things and work out where I fit in grand schemes. Most importantly – I’ve had the opportunity to work out where I DON’T fit!
The example that jumps straight to mind is that of a group practice that I joined. I was full of enthusiasm and energy about working in a great space with wonderful people. On the surface, it seemed like this was where I was supposed to be! Unfortunately, as time went on it became obvious to me that it wasn’t the right fit. It was just little things at first, but it was more and more clear that what I considered crucial to effective therapy was not the same as what management considered important. I was faced with a tough decision – change the way I worked to fit the mould of the group practice, try to continue to work in my own way and never mind how others worked, or accept that sometimes it’s just not going to happen and there are surely other places that will fit better.
In the end, I chose the last option – I couldn’t see myself changing my practice style when this is what I was good at and what achieved good results. I know that in the past, I would likely have tried to change myself in a desperate attempt to fit in with my surroundings, but not anymore. Now I look for surroundings that fit me – not the other way around. It’s not always going to be perfect, but much like finding the right pair of shoes, there’s no point hurting yourself if it’s just the wrong fit.
As it turned out, while that practice was not the right fit for me, it did give me the opportunity to meet some fantastic people and opened doors that I would otherwise have not even known existed. As such, there is value in a ‘wrong fit’, as long as you can see where you are and where you need to go.
Going through those periods of ‘wrong fit’ is unpleasant at the time, but they are absolutely invaluable when it comes to learning about yourself. Reframing negative experiences to move from being angry or upset about what’s happened to being able to see the lessons therein can be difficult, but it is certainly worthwhile. I’ll write about reframing next month, but this month let’s just look at where we are and whether you’re giving yourself blisters by staying in a situation that definitely is a poor fit for you!